5 Things I Do Not Understand About Women in the Bathroom

Ok, I have to warn you, this might get a bit gross. I mean, I'm talking about bathroom stuff here and we all know that bathroom stuff is not all that pleasant. Also, I am a woman and I'm not even going to pretend I know what men do in the bathroom. Sorry boys, I can't critique your peeing stance today. Alright, onto the list of things.

Issue #1: Missing the toilet

We are women. We sit down when we pee or poop, so how come it does not all end up in the toilet. And don't even say it's because you squat instead of sitting. Everything should still be going in the same direction and you should not be hovering that far above the toilet. If you don't want to touch it, don't touch it, but don't stand above the seat! I mean, you have to have some seriously bad aim to get it on the back of the toilet or on the floor. Please, please, please, fix this!

Issue #2: Not throwing things away

Seriously, do you think I want to see all that junk? And I'm not talking about bloody pads or tampons or anything. I'm talking about their wrappers. Just because it's not covered in blood does not mean you don't have to throw it away. And for goodness sake, please, do not flush it! You know very well that only toilet paper and your waste should venture down that toilet pipe.

Issue #3: Shy pee-ers

It all makes the same sound. It's water falling into water. You hear it when you're filling a cup at the sink. So why the heck is it suddenly so scandalous when it is coming out of your body? Even pooping! It all makes the same sound! Maybe I can understand not wanting people to hear vocals, but those aren't necessary. Just let it all fall into the water. It's not like we all haven't heard it in our own bathroom at home.

Issue #4: Mirror-Hoggers

So what if your boyfriend is out there waiting for you and you want to look good? I want to clean the ick off my hands!

Issue #5: Flush the toilet!

I'm not talking about when women go to the bathroom and don't flush their own toilet, although that's gross too. I'm talking about when a woman walks into a stall and sees waste in the toilet and walks back out of the stall instead of flushing. I have stood in lines to get into the bathroom only to find that there has been an empty stall that no one wanted to flush this whole time! And maybe you have something against flushing more than once. That's fine. Do your thing then flush it all. I promise you, it's not going to jump back up into your butt.

The thing about these things is that they are really common. I know women who openly say, "ya, I won't flush a gross toilet" or "ya, I won't go to the bathroom unless there's noise." I've known friends to get stuck in the bathroom for an hour because they just can't let it out where someone else can hear. I don't understand it. I used to be this way once too. Except I never missed or left my trash everywhere. But I wouldn't go in a stall with a filled toilet and I would hold my bladder shut until I was alone. Then one day, I thought, "That toilet just needed to be flushed and now I'm here waiting for ten more minutes to go because I didn't flush it." So what did I do? I flushed the toilet. And if I can do it, so can you.

Disclaimer: I understand that it is difficult to get out of the habit or being a shy pee-er or not wanting to flush an icky toilet. I don't mean to offend anyone, merely point out the problems that face women in the bathroom. Also, mirror-hogging is ok when there are not people waiting behind you to wash their hands. By all means, keep staring at yourself.