Give the Media a Treat

 

What's the best way to get someone to behave the way you want them to? According to psychological studies there are two main types of operant conditioning - a form of learning in which behavior is modified by consequences.

• Reinforcement - the goal is to reward desirable behavior, and thus increase the rate at which the desirable behavior is performed.
• A dog is given a treat after sitting when told.
• Punishment - the goal is to decrease undesirable behavior by introducing a negative stimulus that is associated with the undesirable behavior
• A dog stops stops jumping on family members because they are scolded.

Side Note: The definitions given are very surface level. In actuality, there are many more facets to reinforcement and punishment, but for the sake of this blog post, the above definitions will do.
Depending on what you want to achieve, you use punishment or reinforcement. Let's talk about one specific behavior that we are all trying to change: the lack of diversity in media.

There are articles all over the Internet criticizing TV shows, movies, magazines, etc. for their depiction of the “ideal” in their content. People seem to be under the impression that this criticism, a form of punishment, will help to increase diversity in media. But will it really?

What do people in the media want? Do they want people to love their content with all their hearts? Or do they want attention? Spoiler: they want attention because that’s what bring in revenue. That's the nature of business. The more articles that come out slamming a TV show for having yet another blond, white, female lead, the more TV shows are willing to cast those exact parts, because they get talked about, increasing views and therefore revenue.

We all know a person who is motivated purely by the desire to gain attention, whether good or bad. They'll pick fights just to get people to talk to them. Sometimes they're the sweetest person ever and sometimes they’re absolutely terrible. Whatever it takes to get people to look at them and think about them. The media is like that person.

So, how do you change the behavior of someone whose only motive is attention? You ignore the bad behavior and reinforce the good. Ok, hang on. I know what you're thinking. "We can't just ignore the fact that the media is putting out stereotypical and sometimes offensive content." And you're right. We can't. And we aren't.

By writing articles or having discussions about how a certainTV show, movie, magazine, what-have-you portrays an extremely diverse group of people or uses correct terminology, we are addressing the problem in a positive way. Media will quickly adjust to give us the content that we are talking about: the good stuff.

So let's stop complaining about the media that is doing it wrong, and start heralding the media that is doing it right. Before you know it, we'll be surrounded by wonderful influences. All it takes is a little positive reinforcement.

With that, I will leave you with a few commercials I’ve seen that I believe are worth sharing and good examples of things we should be praising.

What To Do When You Don't Know What To Write About

Writers Block is a very real and very serious problem that affects millions of writers every day. This terrible condition has a tendency of falling under the radar in favor of other more "serious" conditions such as physical illness. In reality, however, Writer’s Block is an extremely grave plight that must be dealt with immediately upon onset. The condition has been known to last anywhere from a few days to a few decades. Don't let Writer’s Block ruin your life or the life of someone you love. Take these steps to help eliminate this condition.

1. Talk to people.
Other people have lives too. It's possible that a single word could inspire a novel or an essay. Don't be afraid to admit that you have Writer’s Block and ask for assistance. You never know what could inspire your next greatest achievement.

2. Force yourself to write.
Even if you spend an hour typing out a sentence and deleting it or if you feel that nothing has come of the hour once it has passed, it's better to keep those writing muscles well oiled. Eventually, you will be able to latch onto an idea and write it out completely. Until then, make sure you're writing or you run the risk of forgetting how to write by the time you find your muse.

3. Take a walk.
I would suggest going outside, but if your only option is an indoor track, that works too. Walking helps to circulate blood to your brain, improving your thinking process. Moving around is certainly more beneficial than staring at a blank screen, unsure of what to do. When walking, you don't have to think about ideas. In fact, it's better to simply observe what's happening around you and later see what sticks out in your memories. Then, you could write about that or maybe it'll turn into something greater.

4. Google.
Google is a wonderful search engine that holds the key to so many solutions to your problems. In this case, you can use the all powerful website to find writing prompts and use them to get you going.

5. Write about what to do when you don't know what to write about.
Writing is all about pulling from your own experiences so if you are struggling to find a topic to cover, write about that struggle. You could make a list of advice you may or may not have followed or create an over-dramatic piece covering the horrors of Writer’s Block. Or maybe even a weird combination of the two.

Ultimately, the key is to stay calm and write on. We all experience a block in the pipes at some point. I guarantee, the pipes will run again and the words will flow like water in a stream. Until then, don't give up.

Together, we will write our way into a world where prompts are many and blockage is few.

Together, we will create a better tomorrow.

Together, we will stand.

And by stand I mean sit at our computers and type.

A Different Interpretation: Take Me to Church by Hozier

Sergei Polunin, "Take Me to Church" by Hozier, Directed by David LaChapelle

If you haven't seen that video, I highly advise watching it and if you have seen it, I highly advise re-watching it because it's pretty good. Admittedly, this video is one of those things that I had a small obsession over at once point, playing it over and over, analyzing every detail. The fact that I was also obsessing over the song too when the video came out didn't help.

But let's not talk about my slightly embarrassing tendency to listen/watch things over and over if I like them too much. Let's instead talk about the song Take me to Church by Hozier.

When this song came out, Hozier told everyone what he had written this song about marriage, specifically gay marriage. At the time when he wrote the song, some people were having trouble obtaining the right to get married due to their sex. From what I can tell, the song compares love to religion in a way that ultimately puts love as being more important/valuable. Of course, I don't believe that Hozier was intending to insult religion, but rather he wanted to show how being in love with someone can be, on some levels, a religious experience.

I'm going to be honest here, it took me a while to decide exactly how I felt about the lyrics of this song. I was certainly more into it when I thought that the words were "I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life." In reality they're, "I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies," which has a bit more of a negative connotation in my opinion. After all, lies aren't good.

However, I have found that if you listen to this song with the idea that it is about a thing, a passion, rather than a person, it becomes much more meaningful. That's where the ballet dance comes in.

Ballet is an extremely difficult sport. The dancers practically ruin their feet and, debatably, their lives, dedicating everything to this medium of dance. Just as Hozier can compare being in love with a person to a religious experience, one can compare a passion of theirs to a religious experience.

If you love something like dancing or maybe blogging, you may dedicate a horribly large portion of your time to it. In a way, you become married to this hobby. Perhaps the "lies" shrine you worship at refers to the unobtainable level of fame you ultimately desire, but will never have. Yet, despite you will never achieve ultimate fame, you love this hobby and will continue dedicating your time and your life to it.

Now that you've read all my words, I would advise going back to the video and watching it again with the idea of this song being about a passion in mind. Maybe you will find a new appreciation for it like I did.

Let's Talk: Consensual Physical Interactions Talk

In light of the recent happenings at MomoCon, I have decided to write about consent. However, I will be straying quite a bit from those specific issues, which were mainly victim blaming, and discuss the yes part of consent rather than the no.

Those of you who have ever talked about any relationships with me know that communication is my 100% must have. If someone doesn’t tell me what they want or what I'm doing that's bothering them, I can't fix it. This rule goes for everyone. Tell me what you want, think, or hate and I'll do the best I can to make it better. I often have trouble understanding why people would rather not talk about how they feel or what they think. After all, I can't possibly know what's going on inside your head until you tell me.

I have noticed this strange misconception about physical relationships: once people are in love, they will know absolutely everything about each other and always know when their significant other is "in the mood." It seems as if this fantasy originated in various entertainment media that wanted an easy way to show the connection between two people. However, it is a long accepted fact that TV, movies, and book characters have a tendency to be unrealistic. In reality, even when you love someone with all your heart, you are still existing in separate bodies.

There is no way for your significant other to truly understand how you feel at all times. Over time, they may learn little cues your body gives off when you are feeling a certain way, but they will never actually be in your head reading your thoughts. So why do we expect them to be? There is this idea of sex or any physically stimulating interaction in which two people wordlessly enjoy the pleasures of each other's bodies, which as I have mentioned, may not be the most plausible way to go about it.

Think about the times that you've been with someone you care for physically in any stimulating way (this includes hand holding and other more G rated interactions). One of the best parts is knowing that you can bring them as much joy as they can bring you, right? Sure, you may be able to tell how they're feeling based on their physical reactions, but it would be a million times easier if we all simply said how we felt. More of that. Less of that. Oh my god keep doing that!

While I was in college, I attended a mandatory seminar called Can I Kiss You by the Date Safe Project. If you checked it out before, I highly encourage you to do so. They focus on what qualifies as consent inside and outside of the bedroom. For example, as I'm sure you can tell by the title, the seminar had a strong emphasis on the beginning of most physical relationships: the kiss.

Although it sounds awkward to ask someone, "can I kiss you?" before leaning in for the big smooch, the benefits seem to outnumber the drawbacks. Think about it. Is it more awkward to have kissed someone who didn't want to be kissed or to have confessed attraction to someone who didn't feel the same way? Neither situation is ideal, but at least in the latter no awkward, unwanted physical interactions occur. Plus, think of how nice it would be to hear "Yes" after asking that question. If they say yes or even immediately kiss you back, you know without a doubt in your mind that they want you too.

So communicate and ask permission. Tell people what you want and what you don't want. There is so much more to communicating in relationships than simply saying no, but we can never experience the joy of saying yes if we're never asked the question to begin with.


Compliments

As a child, I was taught that one of the highest compliments I could achieve as a woman was being thought of as beautiful. I spent hours worrying about how people perceived my physical form and on some level believed that I needed a friend or more-than-friend to confirm whether or not I was attractive. Of course, part of growing up is learning to look at yourself and tell yourself that you're beautiful and to have that be enough, but this point is outside that one. I'm not here to talk about my body image issues, past or present. I want to talk about compliments and how you can make them worthier of being given.

For the sake of my argument today, I am going to focus on the women's side of the issue because that is the only side I grew up experiencing. Even if you do not identify as a women, you may still be able to empathize or at lease sympathize with what I say, so don't let your gender stop your eyes from in taking the information I am about to bestow upon you.

Almost everyone hears "you're getting so big!" while growing up. You could consider it a starter compliment to prepare you for the butt load of compliments you will receive. And like this "starter compliment," almost everyone hears the same compliment for the rest of their growing lives. I have been told by male friends and family that for men, it is typically, "look how smart he's getting" or "look how strong you are." From my own experience I know that for women the compliment tends to be "look how beautiful she is." By giving out these compliments to those specific genders, people imply that the only thing worth being as a man is smart or strong and the only thing worth being as a woman is beautiful. There is a key difference between these compliments, which makes one better, though neither are ideal. The difference is that one is almost entirely involuntary.

My looks are outside of my control for the most part. I can eat well and exercise, wash my face, put on make up, and actually shower, all of which I do, but unless I decide to go under the knife, there are certain aspects of my body I cannot change. Even with a plastic surgeon's help, I can't adjust my bone structure, so why is beauty, something so randomly bestowed by genetics, the ultimate compliment?

My mind can be honed. In fact, we go to school for that very purpose. If I decide to learn more about playing guitar, I can, and in fact, I do. If I decide to become a better writer, I can blog/write and ask for criticism from my friends and family. There are classes I can take to learn different and wonderful things all of which you might find my knowledge of fascinating. When you work with you're brain, you start off with a mostly blank slate, unlike when you're working with your body.

However, even intelligence is not the perfect compliment because there are some aspects of your ability to learn that are genetic. In order to discover what the best compliment is, you must ask yourself why you are giving it out in the first place. Typically when you compliment someone, you are encouraging them to "keep it up." So what is the right thing to compliment people on? Compliment them on their traits such as their dedication, perceptiveness, or punctuality.

All that being said, I am not going to simply throw you out there with a "say better things" without first giving you a few examples. I love being called intelligent, but perhaps a better compliment would be "hardworking." Compliment me on something I can control like my refusal to give up or my fervor for a cause such as feminism. If I can look in the mirror and see a woman full of potential and possibility, then you can see more than physical beauty when you look at me.

So I challenge you. Next time you have the chance to give your friend, special-friend, lover, whatever, a compliment, start with something within them that you love. Tell them how you love their taste in clothes or their willingness to take risks. Perhaps you like their passion for music, science, or life. There are so many things out there worth commenting on besides beauty and general intelligence, and once we start focusing on the parts of ourselves that we have control over, we will feel happier and prouder to be who we are.

And by the way, thanks for reading my blog. It means a lot to me that you take time out of your day to read my little attempts at wisdom. If you have something to add or think I'm wrong, don't hesitate to tell me in the comments below.